Four Ways to Improve My Life at 40 Than 20
Yesterday I turned 40. According to the birthday cards, I am now officially old , at the top of the hill with nowhere to look but down. But I think every decade it gets better. There are things that I can do now that I, when I was young, could never and would not have done.
Before I reveal the whole of Oprah to you, I would like to admit that there is nothing magical about turning 40 (or 30, or any other nice round number), other than the fact that we have long marked it as a turning point in middle age. … when the “crisis of the 40s” supposedly begins. It’s not that I waited until I was 40 to learn these lessons (as you should wait until 21 to legally drink beer). 40 is arbitrary, and you too can learn useful lessons in your 20s or 30s.
However, regardless of actual age, I’ve learned that it can take over a couple of decades to get closer to being the person you want to be and living a more fulfilled life. And this aging – or officially old age – should not be feared. That’s why.
1. I take myself and others less seriously.
I’m a very sensitive person and usually take everything to heart, but I was much more emotional (or at least prone to emotional outbursts) when I was younger. I would have a ridiculous debate with friends that we are so close to ending this friendship, from the very best Zelda game to whether people are responsible for global warming. I was passionate about everything, over-analyzing , perfectionist and took everything seriously.
I’m so stupid. Getting older means finding outthat you’re not that good, and at least for me, learning to laugh at yourself. It may have taken me years of studying images of the universe and traveling to different cities (I wonder how many people live in all these giant skyscrapers) to get the perspective. I live a small life – of course, important to those around me, and perhaps fluctuating in an unknown, broader sense outside of my circles – but I am still just a tiny flash. By and large, even a microscopic point. Oddly enough, this is not depressing. Being just a flash means my mistakes are not the end of the world. I don’t have to start or continue with arguments that don’t matter at all (especially with comment trolls). I can stop giving a shit about the opinions of others if these people are not from my tribe. And I can see myself as a rather flawed, often clumsy person, as well as a valuable person without any stress – still taking my responsibilities seriously, but at the same time easier. As Eleanor Roosevelt said: “You won’t grow up until you laugh at yourself for the first time.”
2. I have a more balanced outlook on work
42% of Americans did not take a day off last year . I almost never took a vacation in my 20s or 30s. This was partly due to the fact that my career was the most important direction for me at that time, and I always felt that I needed more money, but I was also always very determined. Several years ago I hit a wall – exhausted and unmotivated, I just wanted to give it up. Yeah, burnout . You can’t work tirelessly for ten years without experiencing it ( especially in a job that you don’t like ).
So lately, I’ve been planning a vacation for the beginning of the year – and I’m actually taking it without taking my job with me or checking my work email. I make a conscious effort to disconnect , especially when I have to spend time with others. I took up painting again not so long ago, at least after ten years of not holding a brush in my hands, and this reminded me of the need to gain a more holistic view of who I am and my life. This is difficult to do when you are just starting out and you need to work hard to get ahead.
3. I use my time better
Maybe the top of the hill isn’t such a bad place. You get a good idea of the past years, and you also understand the importance of the next few decades, truly appreciate the time. When you’re 24, for example, you might think you can save your savings for retirement until later, but as you get closer to 44, you know that if you don’t start now, you probably never will. this. This goes for health (losing a few pounds), big projects (writing a novel) and everything else.
There are different stages of life , according to psychologist Eric Erickson, and adolescent adulthood, which begins at 19 and ends at 40, is about intimacy, not isolation, with the goal of forming strong, intimate relationships with others. Middle maturity, between 40 and 65, is about creating or nurturing things that will last you longer — doing important work and raising children. It may be painful, but right now I think a lot about death and what I’m actually going to leave behind, and it makes me focus more on what really matters in life . Plus, going through multiple setbacks over the past few decades – losing your job, dying of family and friends, major surgeries – makes you realize that every day is a gift and every decade is a treasure. Enjoy everyday amazing things , as Josh Martin talks about it in Tiny Buddha.
4. I like getting older
Some people start counting down to 40 when they get to 30, as if 40 were a ticking time bomb. Our culture and media are clearly obsessed with youth. (See. Parody NSFW Amy Schumer ” The last fucking day,” to see an example of age bias against women in the public eye.) The shelves of pharmacies are filled with moisturizing creams, serums and other products that are supposed to prevent the signs of aging.
I’m here to tell you that “old” and “old” are not bad words. Yesterday was the first birthday in a long time that I didn’t feel the pressure to do something. To be honest, I’m happier and more at ease with myself.
I’m not saying that everything is perfect and there are no downsides to getting older (or that you’ll suddenly become wiser as you get older). Now I worry more about every pain and pain. I stress that I have enough money for my daughter’s college education, retirement, and caring for aging parents. I have more responsibilities and obligations than ever. But I am still looking forward to my 40th birthday – whether there is a midlife crisis ahead or not.
If you are approaching 40 (or any other decade), fear not. Come in, the water is warm.