Do It Tonight: Finger Her and Only Her Finger
There are many underestimated intercourse , but there is one important one that you probably ignore: fingering. Most adults tend to forget about fingering, but I’m going to show you why I believe it deserves a place in any couple’s sexual repertoire, and give you some tips on how to do it right.
This post also serves as the first installment of a new series we’re making on Lifehacker: After Hours called Do This Tonight: Sex Tips You Can (and Should) Try as soon as you can!
Why do you have to do this tonight
Before we dive into the details of how to become a fingering master, let me convince you why you should bother at all.
It’s a nice change of pace
We tend to start our relationship with more sexual creativity and variety, but there is something about intercourse that seems to make people forget about the possibility of other sexual activities. Most successful heterosexual couples have long since given up fingering. If they do at all, they do what I call “let-me-just-snap-your-finger-here-very-quick-make-sure-wet-enough-for-my-” dick. Sex can be incredible, but it can also seem a little boring and predictable if that’s all you do.
An entire sexual session where you just touch her can be so refreshing and unexpected. Most women have not been thoroughly touched for a very long time. For some, it might even be related to their junior or high school years, when they sneakily hid in the back of a movie theater or behind the school gym. Touching her will instantly breathe new life into the bedroom and remind her that when touched with fingers it was – and can still feel – exciting.
It seems fantastic
Of course, every woman is different, but I think a lot of people would agree that getting with their fingers is phenomenal. The fingers can provide much more targeted, targeted and intense stimulation than any other part of the body. You can also use one hand inside her and the other on her clitoris. The combination of internal and external sensations can be incredible.
She is more likely to induce an orgasm than intercourse.
70% of women require clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm. Stimulating the clitoris during intercourse is possible , but many of my clients tell me that it is difficult for them to focus on their own pleasure during intercourse. They may feel too embarrassed to ask for clitoral stimulation, or too shy to reach out and do it on their own, and in many positions it is logistically difficult. Fingering is simply one of the easiest ways for a woman to achieve orgasm. You can give her exactly what she needs.
It allows her to focus on getting
In life, it is so rarely possible to simply receive. Being able to absorb all the attention without worrying about our partner at this moment can feel like such a gift. Plus, being generous and generous to her can make you feel warm and fuzzy and inspire her to respond the next time.
How to do it
Now let’s take a look at how to do this.
Get her permission
Ask her if she will let you pull on her tonight. Build some anticipation by sending her this article or sexy text. Let her know that tonight everything will be about her, and only about her. Tell her how happy you are to pay attention to her gorgeous body.
Start with good tools
Make sure your nails are trimmed and filed and that you don’t have pesky burrs. Don’t cut your nails before doing the job as they will get too sharp!
Use a lubricant
Good fingering requires good lubrication! I recommend a quality silicone lubricant such as Pjur Eros Bodyglide Original . Silicone lubricants work best on the skin. If you don’t have one on hand or can’t walk into a friendly local sex shop, then coconut oil will help.
Tease her
Spend a lot of time kissing her, slowly removing her clothes and running your hands all over her body. Leave her underwear on and lightly run your fingertips over the fabric. You want her to writhe with impatience before getting down to business.
Remember the basics
Sit in a comfortable position that gives you good leverage on both hands. You can sit between her legs while she is lying on the bed, or ask her to lower her legs off the edge of the bed or sofa while you kneel between her knees. Use your dominant hand on her clitoris and your non-dominant hand inside her. Since the clitoris is so sensitive, you’ll need a dexterous hand, but you can always switch if you want the pushing hand to have more strength. A safe place to start is to draw circles around her clitoris with your thumb and two fingers to pump and drain the vaginal canal. Start slowly and gently, gradually increasing the intensity.
Offer her options and ask for feedback.
If you’re not sure what she likes, demonstrate two different techniques and find out what she likes best. Ask her, “Do you like it better when I fuck you with two fingers, like this … or with three fingers, like this …” Here are some more techniques you can try:
- Going up and down the clitoris, not left to right.
- Stick your fingers into it harder or softer, deeper or deeper
- Doing only clitoral stimulation, only internal stimulation, or both at the same time
- Twisting your wrist in and out of her, or a “come here” motion to stroke her G-spot.
Have fun!
Teasing your lady can be a lot of fun. You are completely responsible for her pleasure and you can watch how she reacts to your every touch. If she knows what you like, she’ll be better off too.