The Ultimate Guide to Winning an Argument

Winning isn’t everything, but it’s nice. If you don’t agree with someone, here are the best tricks for winning this argument.

Convince them with confidence

If you want to be a winner in an argument, act as you do. Speak confidently, concisely, and try not to repeat yourself. Make it appear that you really know what is right from the start, even if you don’t have all the facts. Having facts to support your position is certainly useful, but convincing is more important.

In fact, one study published in the journal Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes found evidence suggesting that a group of people would believe a confident speaker before someone more knowledgeable. Watch politicians as they argue . They probably don’t know what to say at times, but they speak with authority to give the impression of being credible. Simple statement of facts can also seem defensive if done incorrectly. Use the facts when you have them, but stay as confident as possible. The more you look like you know what you’re talking about , the better your chances of winning.

Avoid Common Argument Misconceptions

If you want to increase your chances of winning, focus on not losing and supporting your argument. Winning an argument often boils down to who can last longer without contradicting themselves and following sound logic, rather than direct persuasion of the other side. Battle of attrition, as opposed to full combat.

There are more ways to lose an argument than to win, so it’s important to keep in mind the many logical fallacies that can incriminate you. Here are some of the misconceptions that will rob you of your reasoning before it even starts:

• Anecdotal mistake: using one personal experience as the basis for argumentation or strong evidence. For example, your phone may have broken down right after you bought it, but you can’t use that to argue that these phones aren’t worth buying.
• Confirmation bias: Ignoring certain facts due to personal beliefs. For example, you cannot select evidence to support your claim and refute evidence that does not.
• Correlation versus causation: The assumption that something is caused by something else just because they are correlated. For example, the number of homeless people in a district may correlate with the crime rate in the same district, but crime does not necessarily lead to homelessness, and homelessness does not necessarily lead to crime. For more examples, check out Tyler Wigen’s False Correlations to see how absurd these types of arguments can be.
• Straw Man: Comes up with a script to make the enemy look bad. You are assuming because they are thinking one thing, they must be thinking differently. For example, if they don’t like orange juice, they must think that oranges are bad for people.
• Omniscience: Using statements that imply “all” or “all” is a specific way. For example, say something like “all dogs piss on fire hydrants.” To make such claims requires being omniscient, which is not possible.

There are still many logical misconceptions to consider , but avoiding these three can help you keep a solid foundation of reasoning early on.

Find the best evidence (when possible)

Even if you are confident in yourself, knowledge really is a force in an argument . If you argue online, you have the advantage of being able to investigate during the dispute, but arguing in person is another matter entirely. The best thing you can do is prepare ahead of time (say, if you know that certain topics will come up at this dinner party). That way, when an argument arises, you are locked up and loaded with answers to show your opponent that you know what’s what. Don’t leave the search for information a reactionary step. You wouldn’t bring a knife with you to a firefight, so gather a lot of knowledge on topics that you know you like to argue about so that you can always pack.

If you really want to add to your knowledge arsenal, you should:

• Use Google Scholar to find research and case law.
• Talk to other people who can provide accurate information.
• Talk to other people who disagree with you but want to see your point of view.
• Get rid of the bad evidence you’ve been holding on to.

When you have strong evidence, it is much easier to counter other people’s arguments by supporting your own.

Be calm and polite, even if you pretend

You may want to prove the other person is wrong, but you can at least pretend to respect their point of view. Even if it seems completely ridiculous or completely contrary to your own beliefs, losing your cool can lead to the loss of the fight.

Escape from attacking someone on a personal level – also known as an argument error of ad hominem – a simple way to undermine its credibility. Phoning, attacking a person’s character, and using someone else’s beliefs or traits to question their arguments are big prohibitions. For example, one cannot say that anyone’s argument for dogs being better than cats is weak, because they are also Republicans. This gives no real support for your argument that cats are better, and it gives the impression that you can’t think of anything better than to hurt their personal beliefs.

Hear what they have to say and take note of it. Don’t shake your head while they’re talking, don’t interrupt them in mid-sentence or look away as if you don’t care what they say. It can be difficult to maintain an open mind when you disagree, but psychologist Susan Krauss Whitbourne of Psychology Today suggests at least making it seem like you have an open mind :

Don’t let your opponent feel like you are digging into your position, not wanting to consider alternatives. If you feel that you are carefully analyzing the position of the other side, then the solution you propose will seem much more reasonable. Moreover, your opponent can take your side, and you will not need to do anything but listen. By letting your opponent speak, you can let the situation resolve itself.

If the argument becomes emotional — for example, a marital quarrel — you must admit that there are two problems to be addressed : both your emotions and the situation. Restrain your emotions first. Step back for a moment and let yourself cool down before returning to the argument. If you can keep a cool head and show respect for the other person, at least you can look like a reasonable person. You also give them the opportunity to be wrong and possibly realize that they are wrong.

Ask them to carefully explain their point of view first.

When you feel an argument is brewing, ask your opponent to explain their point of view first. This is an important step towards victory. They’ll likely be more than willing to get down to business immediately, which gives you three main benefits:

1. You immediately come across as a pleasant person who is willing to listen to you. This can disarm them and make it easier for you to persuade them further.
2. You can listen to what they have to say and look for weak points in their arguments.
3. You are giving them a chance to screw up their arguments.

Sometimes less is better. The more you talk, the more likely you are to say something that could be used against you. So let them talk first to see if they can somehow support their argument . They may find that they don’t stand on as firm ground as they thought, or that the “how” of their ideas is not as strong as the “why.” That’s when you attack.

If they can manage to explain their position without hesitation, briefly state it to them to show that you understand it, and then present your counterpoints. When you show that you can clearly see their position, your counterpoints will sound more convincing because you don’t confuse what they said. Instead, you call their bet and let them know you understand them, but don’t back down.

Ask them the right questions to move on.

When asking someone to explain their point of view, asking the right questions can help you to logically break down their arguments. You can find a solution by understanding each other better without the need for persuasion (this is a different kind of victory). Or, you can make them contradict themselves by strengthening their arguments. Form your argument in the form of open-ended questions that will get them to answer your questions .

For example, if you think that everyone in a restaurant should tip 20% and they think they should tip only 5%, you might say something like:

Why do you think servers don’t deserve a 20% tip?

Now they have to explain their position, whether they like it or not. If they refuse to answer, they lose the argument. If they cannot explain their position, they lose the argument. If they do explain their position, you can supplement their explanations with additional questions. In the end, they will either try to abandon the “agree to disagree” argument or stumble upon their own arguments and give in.

Stay tuned (and watch out for their smart reasons)

If the other person says something that seems reasonable to you, admit it with caution instead of giving it up. Again, you want to show that you understand them, that you are a nice person, and that you do not contradict every word they say. If you judge each of their points of view, you will seem overly defensive and stubborn.

Remember, losing a battle does not mean losing a war. You cannot force people to change their minds, because then they will want to resist it. If you give them a small victory here and there, you can gradually get them to look at your point of view in a much better light. They will see common points of contact and feel that they are confirmed, and you will move this carrot closer and closer to you.

If they manage to confuse you with a really good idea, try to stay in the subject as best you can . Departure from the subject – or the misleading “red herring ” – can undermine your credibility, appear defensive, and lead to new arguments. Focus on the current topic and keep your emotions away. At the same time, if you notice that your opponent is changing the subject, then you have hurt a nerve. If you are determined to win the argument, you can keep pushing to upset them and their argument is likely to fall apart with anger.

Seek consensus to support you

If you are fighting with others, for example at a party or with friends, trying to support your point of view can be overwhelming. If enough people agree with something, it becomes true in the social environment . It may not be 100% fact, but with a little supporting evidence, your friends can be better help than any other fact.

However, this can go both ways. If there is the power of consensus behind them, it can be difficult to bounce back. At this point, you might explain that you are feeling constrained and we are only interested in casual debate, but it may be best not to avoid an argument to begin with if you know they have more support than you do. However, it should be noted that it is best to avoid the delusion of infatuation and appeal to authority . If you have no evidence at all to support your claim, you and your supporter group are simply bullying people into admitting they are wrong. Support is good, but you still want your arguments to be valid without it.

Change what victory means to you

You may not change the other person’s mind, but there are other ways to win. If you change what victory means to you, the possibilities are endless. Victory can lie in a peaceful resolution of the conflict, in making them admit that they are wrong about one thing and not about the whole topic, or deliberately give in because you care about them.

In the video above, philosopher Daniel H. Cohen invites you to stop seeing arguments as war. In a war, no one wins, and small changes usually come from submission. More often than not, being right isn’t that important, and it’s usually just to feed your own ego.

Logically, arguments are very rarely black and white. If the argument gets too tense, loosen it up and you will both win in the long run. There are always alternative conclusions. Remember the words of the great Sun Tzu : “The greatest victory is that which does not require a battle.”

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