Rethink Negative Experiences to Develop a More Optimistic Outlook
Waking up on the wrong side of the bed can ruin your day. But it can be helpful to remember how you woke up from a different perspective. A small change in thinking can have a profound effect on your worldview, including how you feel about memories.
Some therapists call this “retrospective judgment.” It’s about rethinking negative memories. Writer Eric Barker in Barking Up The Wrong Tree explains that this is a tactic that psychotherapists use to help unhappy patients see things from a more positive perspective. According to Barker, it “literally gives them a story to live with.”
Basically, you are overestimating events in terms of optimism. I admit it sounds vaguely like dishonesty with yourself, but that’s not the point. It’s about extracting something positive from something that makes you feel uncomfortable.
Think about breaking up. It’s easy to remember all the negativity – fighting, crying, mourning the relationship – but that usually leaves you in an unhealthy place. You are resentful, bitter and angry. You can even use it in new relationships, and it can really make your life miserable for a while. But as you get better and get better, you usually have a healthier and more optimistic view of your breakup – it sucks , but you’ve learned a lot about yourself. You have grown up and now you understand better what you want from a relationship. This approach is probably more beneficial to your overall well-being.
Retrospective judgment seems to work the same way. It’s not about changing facts. It’s about changing the way you perceive them. It’s not about ignoring what happened. It is about fully considering this from all angles. It sounds trite, but you just need to consider the silver lining. But go beyond that – make this silver lining the center of what you remember from the experience.
It is more difficult to do this with some experiences, and some experiences will still be difficult to think about. But it can be a useful option if you want to defuse some pessimism. Check out Barker’s full post for more details.
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