Keep the Relationship Strong by Avoiding Bargaining Thinking
You probably know that lasting relationships are made up of give and take, but recent research shows how easy it is to take too much, especially when you think your partner is happier than they really are.
In a study published in the International Economic Review and conducted by University of Virginia professors Leora Friedberg and Stephen Stern, over 6 years, over 4,000 married couples asked some basic questions about their happiness in marriage. Unfortunately, they found that nearly 60% of couples misjudged their partner’s happiness during the course of the study. This is where “bargaining theory” comes in. Although commonly used in economics, this study used bargaining theory to show how couples overestimate their partner’s happiness and try to take too much away from him. Stern describes an example:
“If I think my wife is really happily married, I could push her to do more housework or contribute more of the family income. If, without my knowledge, she is really just indifferent to marriage, or she has a really handsome boyfriend who is interested in her, she may decide that these requirements are the last straw and decides that divorce would be the best option for her. “
Of course, divorce is obviously the most extreme outcome, but that’s the point. In a sense, love becomes a currency, and one might assume that they have a lot more opportunities to bargain with it than they actually do. To break it down further, it can be dangerous to suggest something like, “They love me so much that I can push them so hard.” So how do you avoid this kind of thinking? Communicate well with your partner so you know how they really feel. If they are not as happy as you thought, find a way to make a difference. The last thing you want to do is push your significant other even further, making them even more unhappy.
Marriage, Divorce and Asymmetric Information | Journal ” International Economic Review through the Future”