The Science of First Impressions (and How to Use It to Your Advantage)
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the last five years as a journalist, it’s that success can diminish two seconds after first meeting someone. First impressions can make or break a career.
I’ve had key interviews going to hell just because something didn’t feel right from the start. It’s frustrating because it’s out of your control, and no matter how hard you try, after someone has made the initial judgment of you, it’s almost impossible to change your mind.
But it’s not just journalists who are serious about trading first impressions – our happiness, success, and even our career depends on how we get along with other people.
But what controls how we relate to someone (or what they think of us) in those first few moments?
Play well with others
While business classes or workshops can teach you about decision making, not all choices can be made rationally.
We are genetically programmed to make quick decisions – everything from whether we find someone attractive or trustworthy happens in seconds.
You might think that you are just following your gut, but what happens in these initial moments does not come from your gut alone.
This is a type of unconscious thinking called rapid cognition, which author Malcolm Gladwell describes as something that “moves a little faster and acts a little more mysterious than the conscious decision-making thinking style we are more accustomed to.”
In addition to the immediate instinctive fight or flight response that occurs when we are under stress, rapid learning is the ability to dig deeper and appreciate what really matters through very quick experience.
Life’s Thin Cut: Decision Making at a Glance
Rapid learning plays an important role in our daily life. Think of basketball players with “flair” or military generals exhibiting “coup d’état” (literally, “the power of the eye”).
These are people with the powerful ability to quickly analyze the vast amount of information available and decide what is most important without wasting time in slower, more rational ways of thinking.
And they do it unconsciously.
Psychologists call this phenomenon “thin slices,” and research has shown that what we perceive in just a few seconds can take months or years to be judged by the rational part of our mind. As Gladwell wrote in his book Blink :
“Thin cuts are not an exotic gift. It is central to what it means to be human. We cut thin cuts whenever we meet a new person, or we need to quickly figure out something or face a new situation. cut because it is necessary, and we come to rely on this ability, because there are many situations where close attention to detail in a very thin section, even for no more than a second or two, can tell us a lot. “
Navigating strange appointments with mental shortcuts
So how is our subconscious cut subtly when we first meet people, and how does this affect our impression of them? Well, we’re not quite sure yet.
But scientists have found that the subconscious is powerful enough to make a lasting impression on a new person.
In the 1990s, Harvard-educated psychologist Nalini Ambadi and her colleague Robert Rosenthal conducted a series of experiments comparing grades given to college professors by classes at the end of the semester with grades that another group of students gave the same professors based on only three. Ten-second silent video clips shown before real lectures.
The researchers found that both groups generally agreed on how good or bad the professors were. In terms of their performance ratings, the first impression they got from ten seconds of silent video was almost as much as the interaction for the entire semester.
But if we do not condemn people consciously and rationally, what makes us initially love them or not love them?
Nobel laureate writer and psychologist Daniel Kahneman believes the answer lies in heuristics – the “mental labels” we use to help us make decisions. One of the most powerful mental contractions, according to Kahneman, is the one he calls “ What you see is all that is,” the idea that when the mind makes a decision, it only deals with “known knowledge. ” and largely ignores facts that can make the decision more difficult. …
The problem is that when we meet someone and only know limited information about them, our minds try to validate those beliefs and ignore other complications. We transform people into the embodiment of the few facts that we know about them.
That’s why: “So what are you doing?” is the worst question to ask when you first meet.
If you fall prey to these unconscious biases, it can have a lasting impact on your relationship as well, as gathering more information about the person in most cases will only reinforce our original biased judgments .
We believe in what we see for the first time, because this is the easiest option, even if it turns out to be false.
What’s on the outside matters
We have unconscious biases that affect the way we think of new acquaintances, but what’s even weirder is that our physical appearance can immediately determine how people think of us.
A recent study by the University of York showed that we associate certain facial features with someone’s personality. Individuals who are more feminine or naturally happy looking are invariably ranked more trustworthy, while competence, dominance, and friendliness are also often attributed to certain facial features.
The study went as far as creating cartoonish faces that made a predictable first impression when presented to new participants:
How to make a good first impression
While it may seem impossible to overcome these unconscious biases (with the exception of reconstructive surgery), there are several ways you can help your cause .
Preparation is key when meeting new people, and certain activities can increase your chances of getting into someone’s good books quickly.
Get out of your shell
Research has shown that people who communicate in an expressive and lively way tend to be liked more than people who find it difficult to read.
Psychologists call this a halo of expressiveness – the idea that it is easier for us to communicate with people who are easy to read. It may also explain why you “hated this guy until you got to know him.”
When we feel closed emotionally by other people, we automatically associate it with feelings of selfishness, although in reality it can often be caused by insecurity or old simple shyness.
Find similarities
According to the similarity attraction hypothesis , we are also more likely to love people with whom we have something in common.
When you go to a meeting with an influential person, find out what he enjoys, what books or films he likes. Communication at this level is a great way to solidify a good first impression .
And it can even help save a bad first impression. When we find that we have something in common with another person, we react on a reflective level rather than an analytical one .
Our minds may know that we rationally dislike the person, but we still cannot get rid of the feeling of attachment to him, which can lead to a change in our initial impression.
Learn to listen
This is probably common sense at this point, but listening can also help you ingratiate yourself when you first meet.
It’s like sharing any common hobbies or likes, showing someone that you care about what they have to say, gives that person a lasting positive impression.
Here is one of my favorite quotes from Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk:
“ That’s why I loved the cheerleaders so much: if people thought you were dying, they gave you their full attention … people listened, not just waited for their turn to speak.”
You don’t have to die to be a good listener, and if so, it’s safe to say that you are not well liked.
We may have been trained to unconsciously judge others over the years, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have the ability to give ourselves an edge when we make the first impression.
Understanding strange, unconscious brain functioning can help ensure a healthy start to any relationship.
After that, it’s up to you to decide.
The Strange Science of First Impressions | Team blog