Replace “but” With a Pause for Better Apologies
It’s easy to refute your apology with an explanation, even if you’re sincere. To solve this problem, don’t say “but,” but instead just pause between sentences.
As Benjen Starkonce said, “Nothing anyone says before the word ‘but’ really matters.” And while it is true that we often use “sorry, but” as a way to shirk responsibility, it can also be a simple verbal habit that undermines your true intentions. So avoid it completely. For example, instead of:
“I’m sorry I was late, but the baby has been crying all morning.”
You could say:
“I’m sorry I was late. The child cried all morning. “
In this case, the explanation is helpful to the other side. Be it a boss or a friend, they may understand or sympathize that the reason for your lateness is related to your child. However, by removing the “but,” you avoid the subconscious connotation that you are not prioritizing what you are late for. As a bonus, removing the word “but” can help you understand when you’re really about to undermine yourself . If removing the “but” makes your statements sound like they directly contradict each other, then they probably are.